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0 shares 55 View comments For the best part of 25 years, You Couldn’t Make It Up has been one of the mainstays of this column. All manner of absurd stories have come my way, most of which would be impossible to parody. Every year newspapers go to elaborate lengths to spoof their readers on April Fools’ Day. Frankly, I don’t know why they still bother. Real life is far more ridiculous. Looking at the papers, it’s increasingly difficult to distinguish fact from fantasy. It is nearly impossible to tell what is real and what is an April Fools now-a-days; real life is far more ridiculous Take the story I wrote about yesterday, the WPC suing a petrol station owner for damages after tripping on a step during a routine burglary investigation. That had April Fool written all over it. Except that it was true. There was also a report of a man in the West Midlands being wrestled to the ground by two police officers on their way to a fancy dress party. Solihull Police tweet

7.3k shares 389 View comments Greater Manchester Police have revised their definition of what constitutes a ‘hate crime’ to include violent incidents involving punk rockers and heavy metal fans. Not before time, you might think. Round up the lot of them and throw away the key. Or, as my Geordie mate Black Mike always jokes when he spots a Sid Vicious lookalike gobbing his way down the High Street: ‘Gi’ us a stick and I’ll kill it.’ But that isn’t what the bold Plod have got in mind. The new rules aren’t designed to protect society from gangs of punks and heavy metal headbangers. They’ve been drawn up to protect them from the rest of society. New rules: Greater Manchester Police have now revised their definition of what constitutes a 'hate crime' to protect punk rockers and heavy metal fans from the rest of society GMP is becoming the first force to extend ‘hate crime’ status to those with ‘alternative sub-culture identity’. In future, these groups will be

220 shares 143 View comments Back in 1987, Mrs Thatcher was monstered over an interview in which she said: ‘There is no such thing as society.’ The Left seized on this remark as evidence of her heartless indifference to the plight of ordinary people. What she was actually doing was condemning the use of ‘society’ as a convenient shorthand excuse for individual deficiencies, disappointments and delinquency. A quarter of a century ago, as in some quarters today, there was a knee-jerk readiness to blame ‘society’ for everything from drug addiction to violent crime. Mrs Thatcher was also criticising the automatic tendency of people to look to the State as a cure for all ills. In 1987, Mrs Thatcher was monstered over an interview in which she said: 'There is no such thing as society' She was of the firm conviction that society is the sum of its parts — individuals, families, churches, voluntary organisations, businesses. It was her belief that people expected

107 shares 324 View comments The BBC has been finalising the arrangements for Mrs Thatcher’s funeral. Let’s hope the coverage is more balanced than the predictable Left-wing propaganda pumped out in the wake of her death. And that it manages to rise above the level of the Corporation’s dismal performance on the day of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee pageant. So what can we expect? This column has been leaked a copy of a confidential memo to staff from the BBC’s Acting Deputy Assistant Head of Ceremonial Affairs (Vision) . . .   Item: Funeral of the Lady Thatcher, Wednesday April 17. Draft schedule. The eyes of the world will be on the BBC next week and it is therefore imperative that we uphold the Corporation’s global reputation for excellence and impartiality. Lady Thatcher was a divisive figure, however, and we have a duty to reflect all shades of opinion. We also have a sacred mission both to explain and entertain, so it is vital we take pains to make this event releva

0 shares 209 View comments A grieving nation: There have been echoes of the Diana lunacy over the past week, ever since the passing of Margaret Thatcher was announced The last time I felt like this was when Lady Di died. Who are these people? Where have they all come from? Has the world gone stark, staring bonkers? On the eve of the funeral I ran away to Majorca. It was like the last plane out of Saigon, with fugitives from the sobfest metaphorically hanging off the wings to escape the madness. London was carpeted with cheap floral tributes bought from petrol stations and teddy bears pinned to the railings as the nation appeared to succumb to mass hysteria. I can remember writing in the Daily Mail at the time that I felt like a visiting alien, marooned on another planet. Was it me? Soon it became apparent that I wasn’t alone. Readers wrote in droves to say that they, too, were utterly bewildered by the emotional incontinence apparently sweeping the nation. It was

0 shares 109 View comments As Gerry Adams said famously in another context: 'They haven't gone away, you know.' Yesterday, these four wannabe jihadists from Luton were jailed for a total of 44 years. They had planned to send a remote-controlled toy car packed with explosives under the gates of a Territorial Army base. Woolwich Crown Court was told that the antics of this home-grown terror cell read like the script of the satirical movie Four Lions. Their mug-shots resemble that 'Comedy Terrorist' who gatecrashed Prince William's 21st birthday party at Windsor Castle. They went on military-style manoeuvres in the countryside, where they were spotted jogging in formation and using logs as pretend weapons. Ringleader Mohammed Sharfaraz Ahmed suggested sky-diving, horse-riding and paragliding would be 'good jihad training' and thought bungee-jumping would be a great way to overcome his fear of heights. Zahid Iqbal (l) and Mohamm

0 shares 518 View comments His own man: Ken Clarke believes Britain should be run by foreigners. He's in favour of our laws being made in Brussels by people we didn't elect He likes a drink, smokes like a chimney and he’s not afraid to speak his mind. By common consent, he’s the kind of politician you’d most like to share a pint with. No, not Nigel Farage. Ken Clarke. With his scuffed Hush Puppies and ubiquitous cigars, Clarke stands out from the identikit crowd at Westminster. He’s more likely to be found stumbling out of Ronnie Scott’s jazz club in Soho at midnight than plotting Press regulation over pizza. He’s taken on a few airs and graces along the way, but Ken is his own man. Even though I profoundly disagree with him over Europe, I accept that he’s a man of principle. Clarke fervently believes Britain should be run by foreigners. He is in favour of our laws being made in Brussels by people we didn’t elect. He is quite happy to surrender what remain