NowMyNews

/li> DEAR BELI’m 22 with a very close circle of five friends the same age. The problem: I think one of my best friends has mental health issues. I have no idea how to help her and worry a lot about what she will do. She went to a very privileged boarding school (indeed, she had boarded for most of her life) but was moved to our school at the age of 16 because her family had money problems. When we were 19, I started to notice she was very negative about men and seemed unlucky in love. 'When we were 19, I started to notice she was very negative about men and seemed unlucky in love' Over the next three years, things went from bad to worse. She never sustained a relationship but always wanted one — pushing, trying too hard and clinging until she put men off. Her parents divorced, then her family lost all their money which left them with nothing — all the while her behaviour was becoming worse. It’s now got to the point that whenever our little group spends time with her

/li> DEAR BELI’m in despair over my 15-year-old son. He’s always been very outgoing — until he fell in love with his first serious girlfriend a year ago. At 14 they were found in bed together and both sets of parents were furious. They were taken to a family planning clinic so that there’ll be no unwanted pregnancies. I’m deeply opposed to such behaviour, but there’s little I can do. He actually tells me that they are ‘at it like rabbits’. Slowly his grades have deteriorated. Individual teachers have been emailing me, making sure I’m aware of what’s happening. After his July exam results we had a long chat and he agreed to try to catch up at weekends. Now he’s out all day Saturday with his mates and comes home late.  Or on other weekends, he goes to a friend’s house after school on Friday and stays the night. After his July exam results we had a long chat and he agreed to try to catch up at weekends. Now he's out all day Saturday with his mates and comes home late So

/li> DEAR BELIn my late 30s, I’m recovering from health problems. My shy neighbour, a year older than me, has been a great help — picking me up after my operation, accompanying me to hospital appointments, coming round to my flat to help. l don’t know how it happened (since I’ve known him for almost five years) but we started seeing each other. Everything was going well, until about three months ago when he told me a female friend who lives outside the UK was to stay a couple of days. I remember meeting this woman (much older than him) more than a year ago on another visit, when l was recovering from major surgery. This time, after thinking, l told him that l don’t think it right for her to stay in his flat. He told me he’d sort it out.   He was driving me to work the following day when l asked if he’d rearranged things. He said he couldn’t reach her. I asked if they’d had an affair. He said — yes, ten to 15 years ago, but were just friends now. I was very angry. Why would you ev

/li> DEAR BELI am a 41-year-old mother of four, working from home as a child-minder. For a long time I have been having an affair with a married man 20 years older. Our lives are so different, he lives in a nice house in the country, runs his own business, has several properties and drives a sports car. I live with my husband and family in a small house on a ‘well-known’ estate. 'For a long time, I have been having an affair with a married man 20 years older' It is not easy for me and him to get together — because I have had official complaints from parents for leaving their kids with an assistant when I escape to meet this man for a few hours, or sometimes an afternoon or whole day. The dirty sex is very exciting, but some of the things he gets me to do when he has taken Viagra leave me feeling used, abused and grubby. I really like having a secret ‘adult’ life. He is easily flattered and the power I have over him is very exciting — he is like a dog on a lead. Someti

/li> 0 shares The image of the cross towers over Western civilisation A few weeks ago, on one of the very few tall walls in our old farmhouse, we put up a dramatic, nearly life-size woodcut — actually five separate blocks — of Jesus Christ on the cross. I’ve had it in store for ten years, with no suitable space, but at last we’ve been able to hang the work of art. I do realise that a massive crucifixion wouldn’t be everybody’s idea of interior design. It’s more demanding and far less fashionable than the gentle head of Buddha, which crops up everywhere, from budget home stores to garden centres. But I love this work for multi-layered reasons — and not just because the artist, Paul Riley, is an old friend. It’s a big statement, and one which teaches me as much as it taught people in centuries past. Why on earth would a gentle soul like me choose to live with an image of extreme suffering, torture and death? Because it is a help. Because Easter is the most important chap

/li> DEAR BEL I’m 27, have a wonderful partner and a beautiful 18-month-old boy. I am one of the lucky few because the job I do is something I dreamed of since childhood. I am very good at it and know I am contributing to society. I am the main breadwinner — my partner also works full time, but in a lesser-paid job. It’s not what he wants but he feels he should stick with it until something better comes along. Unfortunately, I am feeling incredibly guilty about sending my son to nursery. 'I couldn't even tell you the last time that my partner and I went out for an evening together because I just can't bring myself to leave our son' After 12 months' maternity leave, I returned to work three days a week for six months and that seemed a good balance. But since January, our savings have run out and we simply couldn’t cope with me on a part-time wage, so I had to return full time. My son is in nursery eight hours a day, five days a week. He enjoys it, the staf

/li> DEAR BELA while ago, my husband David had an affair. I asked him to leave and he duly went to his parents. We were apart for about nine months, then he convinced me our marriage was worth another go. I didn’t want our children to be part of a fractured family.  Now a few years have passed, the initial hurt has disappeared and I’ve had a hard look at our relationship. We are very different people and I don’t think I’ve ever been very happy. 'When I pull away from the affair it will hurt very much - and I will never open myself up to that again. It is the price I will have to pay' I became close to a work colleague, Ben, whom I’ve known for several years. I’ve always liked him — and when someone you like shows you a lot of positive attention, it can be very difficult to resist. An affair ensued and has continued over two years. We are both in relationships. Affairs shouldn’t happen, but no two affairs are the same. There are individuals who wilfully cheat — but som

/li> DEAR BELI’m 32 and my seven-year marriage is in crisis. The last three years  were difficult. Sam has a bad temper and would shout and be very intimidating. Once, he punched my arm. He was very sorry and never hit me again, but it made me lose my trust. We went to Relate three times for relationship and sex counselling. This helped for a while, but didn’t address the fundamental issues between us. I felt rejected by him as he never instigated sex and I tried for such a long time, but eventually stopped. 'I felt incredibly guilty for leaving my husband at such a vulnerable point, but didn't see how it was fair if I stayed, unprepared to make things work' About 18 months ago, I worked with a counsellor who was enormously helpful and got me to see what joy could be gained by being truly intimate with another person. I thought by working on my issues it would help the marriage and get Sam to address some of his, too. I didn’t explicitly communicate any of this w