Lance Armstrong has vehemently denied reports that he agreed to appear on The Oprah Winfrey Show. The cyclist dismissed the stories as 'nothing more than rumour and unproven speculation' during an appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
He might as well. It’s no more contradictory or ridiculous than everything else that has tumbled out of his mouth over the past decade. The man is a compulsive liar. He is one of those individuals who has deceived and dissembled for so long it is highly probable he believes his own lies to be ‘the truth’.
The idea that he is about to come clean now is preposterous. The path to redemption does not begin on a saccharine-coated, sofa-cuddlesfest of a show that specializes in 'inspiring' weight loss tales, free car giveways and tragic sob stories that morph into morality tales about 'the human spirit'.
No hope: The chances of Oprah peeling away more than a decade of Armstrong's deception are nil More from Des Kelly... DES KELLY: Well, nothing lasts forever... it's been a blast! Sportsmail's brilliant columnist bows out after almost a decade at the top 31/05/13 Des Kelly: When it came to the most important tick of his career clock, Sir Alex bowed out at the perfect moment 10/05/13 DES KELLY: The idea that governing bodies are serious about exposing drug cheats is a myth... the cover-up makes my blood boil 03/05/13 Des Kelly: Sorry Liverpool, this isn't a conspiracy by the PM, FA, MI5, British Dental Association, and Society Against Cannibalism in Sport 26/04/13 Des Kelly: An immense river of humanity will flow through London... the marathon must produce mighty roar of defiance 19/04/13 DES KELLY: Fans come a distant second to Cup cash 12/04/13 Des Kelly: Forget his politics... is Paolo really up to the job? 05/04/13 Des Kelly: The evidence is so subtle many missed it... is this bonfire a case of smoke and mirrors? 29/03/13 Des Kelly: British taxpayers have just handed West Ham a stadium worth half a billion pounds... where's my bit of this £630m council house? 22/03/13 VIEW FULL ARCHIVEArmstrong is a cheat. One of the most calculating, ruthless and cynical cheats sport has ever known. The disgraced American rider has lied with such Machiavellian aplomb that the chances of Oprah peeling away more than a decade of deception are nil.
Oprah does not cross examine, she coos, she cajoles, she mothers, she hugs. Armstrong's appearance on her show is utterly incongruous. It's like Jimmy Savile being interrogated by Holly Willoughby on This Morning.
The cyclist should be in front of prosecutors and a judge, not a Vaselined camera lens. But Oprah provides him with an unchallenging stage for offering up excuses, self-justification and pleas for compassion. She might even ask for some diet tips, too.
When Oprah interviewed former drug cheat Marion Jones five years ago, it was a helium-light inquisition, where the athlete claimed she thought she was taking 'flaxseed oil' even though she had a history of failing drug tests at High School and an ex-husband, CJ Hunter, who testified before a federal grand jury that he had seen Jones inject steroids directly into her stomach.
But the primetime queen did not concern herself unduly with any of that.
Armstrong has stared down investigators, intimidated those who dared question him. He even tried to destroy the brave few who sought to expose his wrongdoing. I think he'll see off Oprah and her 'no holds barred' questions.
He can certainly spin a yarn, as his books demonstrate. Particularly the acclaimed tome 'It's Not About The Bike', a title that turned out to be rather more prescient than we originally thought.
But the only truth on view will be the fact that Armstrong is on TV to do what he always does — put himself first. So expect more compelling fiction from the master of deception.
The interview is taking place at his house in Austin, Texas, which is decidedly cosy. Significantly, the show will also be aired simultaneously on Thursday night (at 2am Friday morning, UK Time) on both the Oprah Winfrey Network and the Discovery Channel.
VIDEO: Oprah 'grills' Marion Jones...You might recall Discovery were the headline sponsor of Armstrong’s team from 2004 and 2007, staying on even after the rider himself retired. He wore the network’s logo on the last of his seven Tour victories in 2005. Discovery were also slow to distance themselves from Armstrong when evidence of his drug use emerged.
Does anyone else think he might be heading for an easy ride? Is this payback for his loyal former sponsors? Of course, we know where this is going. Armstrong will claim he was a ‘victim’ of the system, a man who was compelled to cheat.
He will hint the governing body was complicit in helping him escape detection. How he was betrayed, how tales were exaggerated. There will be plenty of discussion about how he grew up fatherless, then beat cancer and how his drug use was a result of the trauma. Oprah will offer up a camera-friendly tear. But if the drug cheat cries, there is a distinct possibility I will vomit.
Armstrong once wanted titles at all costs. Now he wants pity. He has nothing to lose. His yellow jerseys are worthless. His sponsors have gone. He is banned for life. And even the LiveStrong cancer charity set up on the back of his triumphs asked him to step down as chairman.
Oprah can change all of that. She is a TV phenomenon. Brands and politicians actively seek the ‘Oprah Bump’ of popularity and she delivers an audience that is predominantly female, white and over 55 that couldn’t care less about the Tour De France ‘because it’s in Germany or somewhere like that’.
Previous: Armstrong appeared on Oprah's show back in 2005This is his last-ditch effort to salvage his reputation. Former American rider and self-confessed doper Matt DiCanio said: 'He will do and say anything to make you buy a candy bar with his face on it or a bike he endorses.'
Interestingly DiCanio went on to expose another side of Armstrong’s cynicism, claiming he subscribes to the doctrine of a book called The 48 Laws Of Power that has sold well over a million copies in the USA and purports to show people how to gain influence. It advises:
Use selective honesty to disarm your victim.Always say less than necessary.Transform weakness into power.Play on people's need to believe to create a cult-like following.So Much Depends on Reputation — Guard it with your Life.Re-create yourself.I think Armstrong’s tactics for the interview are right there.
Hail Ma Daley for dishing out mother of all dunkingsThere have been many articles that I’ve relished this year. However, few of them have been as entertaining and acutely observed as the ferocious handbagging that Tom Daley’s mum delivered to British Swimming’s chief executive David Sparkes on these pages.
The chap who supposedly runs swimming in this country suggested that Olympic diving bronze medallist Daley was losing his focus by participating in the admittedly trite ITV programme Splash!
Mum's the word: Debbie with TomSparkes declared that Daley, a rare British success story in the water at London 2012, was ‘putting the cart before the horse’ and scorned the idea that any Chinese athlete would be doing such a thing.
Debbie Daley, bristling angrily at a second public attack by the charmless Sparkes on her son, immediately set about the officious, stuffed shirt.
She reminded him that 18-year-old Daley had 'done his job — and played a key role in funding your organisation'.
Before Sparkes could even come up for air, Debbie dunked him in again. ‘Tom was one of the few major success stories and possibly one of the athletes that helped you retain your job,’ she said.
‘Others say that your performance was the worst for any CEO in British sport.
‘You are worried about Tom’s performances? I am worried about yours. I would like you to do more training, I would like you to do leadership, media and motivation courses.’ His reputation was last seen being resuscitated by lifeguards on the side of the pool.
I received messages asking if I had ghost-written the letter. It was all mother Daley’s work. But, amid her justifiable tirade, I was fascinated to read that Britain’s first individual Olympic diving medallist in more than half a century was denied the use of a sports masseur at a cost of £3,000 a year.
How frugal of Sparkes and Co at a time when they blew £25million of funding and spent tens of thousands of pounds flying ex-performance director Michael Scott to and from his Australian home in business class.
But there was one point that Mum Daley missed. Sparkes preaches about singleminded dedication. Yet the chief executive of British Swimming has his own distractions.
Not content with being British CEO, Sparkes is general secretary of the European Swimming League in Luxembourg. And he has another job on the bureau of the International Swimming Federation in Lausanne, Switzerland. Dear me. He is meant to be concentrating on Britain. I wonder if Sparkes fears he might lose his focus?
Making a splash: Daley has been criticised for his new diving TV showSaunders needs a dose of National Service
New Wolves manager Dean Saunders is an engaging chap and I wish him well with the challenge he has taken on in the Midlands. But he had me choking on my porridge with his claim that 'football is a watered-down version of the Army'.
When I see players dive over imaginary legs, rolling around in agony at the merest touch, crying off from representing their country, challenging authority at every turn and adjusting their Alice bands with one hand while holding out the other for more cash, then yes, I’d say the game is definitely a watered-down version of the Army.
Diluted beyond recognition, in fact.
Hats off: Jenkins has performed miracles with SwanseaAnd the chairman of the year ward goes to...
Swansea City are having another extraordinary season after Michael Laudrup pushed his accomplished side to the brink of a Wembley appearance in the Capital One Cup final.
He is undoubtedly a contender for Manager of the Year. But what about a Chairman of the Year?
My vote also goes to Swansea. Take a bow, Huw Jenkins — the man in charge of the club doing south Wales proud, nine years after it was hauled back from bankruptcy.
Over recent years, Jenkins has lost managers Roberto Martinez, Paolo Sousa and Brendan Rodgers to other opportunities. But throughout it all, the club has barely missed a step.
That is a sign of a well-run operation and inspired leadership.
Some chairmen are rightly booed when they step on to the pitch, but Jenkins deserves nothing except acclaim.
Oliver bags the dough
Jamie Oliver is taking charge of the catering at Manchester City. It might be an idea to avoid his pizzas at the Etihad Stadium.
I hear that the speciality of the house is a pizza that is dough, with more dough, plus another helping of dough.
Mario's the cherry on top
Mario Balotelli is a rotten apple, according to AC Milan chairman Silvio Berlusconi. And he should know.
Balotelli’s agent Mino Raiola has hit back, insisting the player is 'not a bad apple - but a cherry'. Either way, we're all agreed. He's a fruit basket.
Face in the crowd: Controversy follows Balotelli wherever he goesMore... VIDEO: Balotelli hammers free-kick past Messi, Iniesta and Xavi in Barcelona wall... sort of Eat like Ennis! McDonald's is off limits to Wolves players as Saunders clamps down
